Editor-in-Chief: Sonya LaRae
Editor: Nile Harper
Article By: Sonya LaRae-Certified Relationship/Lifestyle Coach, Certified Image Consultant, Fashion/Style Journalist
Question: Frustrated, Springfield, IL- Hello, I have been trying to deal with a friend who seems to never take accountability for her actions. She seems to always be the victim in every situation from not paying money back, to arguments over things she doesn’t do. How do I get her to take accountability for her actions?
Hello Frustrated, first let me thank you for sending in your question. You know many time people don’t get the old adage “You reap what you sow.” I guess you’re trying to figure out what exactly I’m meaning by this? It means many times we reap what we sow because we are a small reason for this persons lack of accountability. If it’s just I don’t want to start another argument, I cannot understand why know one doesn’t put her in her place or simply ignoring this poor behavior.
What is the definition of accountability: An obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
I’m going to tell you something that you just might find a little surprising-Some individuals sense of responsibility just isn’t there because, from childhood they never was held accountable for their particular actions. With this being stated, what exactly can you do now to start having your friend take accountability for his/her actions:
1. Stop being the enabler: You have to make up your mind that you aren’t going to keep cosigning on poor behaviors. You now have to stop coddling (meaning: Treat in an indulgent or overprotective way) – Your friend is an adult and should be held responsible for their actions.
2. Confront the offender: Now this sounds easier than it really is. The person who is the offender may or may not realize they are acting in such a way, which in turn they will become yet the “victim” to your accusations. You must not do this in a harsh way-They aren’t accustom to being held responsible for there actions so, this will seem to be coming from left field.. You need to have set examples and tell them how their behavior made you feel and even if others can support you would be great.
3. Change doesn’t happen overnight: Remember they have never had to be accountable for there actions prior to you confronting them, so things won’t get better quickly but, be ready to acknowledge when they are trying and don’t pounce on every time they revert backwards
4. Help to establish ground rules: Let them know clearly what you will and will not accept any longer for this friendship to continue in a healthy way.
Frustrated, I truly hope these tips help you, and that you and your friend can come to a very happy medium.
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